after_alex

So you may have switched on the TV today, and saw that a suicide bomber decided to have the great idea of driving his motorcycle (probably a Chinese-made Honda imitation) into a convoy of Afghan police trainees here in Kabul. And I don’t blame him, if I had to drive one of those cheap ass “made in China” motorbikes, I’d do the same thing. Just kidding, just kidding. That’s not funny.

Anyway, I can’t even remember the last time Kabul had a suicide bomber attack. But I confess, they do exist, OK? Happy yet? Hopefully all the women in my life (i.e. my g/f, my mom, my godmother, etc.) are satisfied now, I did it…I admit there’s terrorists here that will blow themselves up.

But don’t worry, the attack was way out on the edge of the city, and I was tucked in nicely at the Prime Minister’s compound across the street from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. So no bits of poorly-crafted Chinese motorcycle flying at me… no sir. Well maybe except for the crazy drivers outside. But no bomb at least. I know, I know, I’m super careful – we’re on tightly disciplined movement here, as always…but nevertheless, I reiterate that it can’t be much more dangerous here than Oakland or Santa Ana, for all I’m concerned. I mean, come on, even Irvine, CA gets its semi-annual dead body in the lake by Yale Loop. Who’s misled now?

Furthermore, I still underline the philosophy that if you live in fear, you’re already dead. That’s how the terrorists already won. You’ve heard the same thing on TV and in the newspaper and all, and I just happen to agree with it. But given that, of course, I’m not a dumbass. I don’t take the weird unnecessary risks of hiking in the mountains by myself just cause it seems fun, and I don’t go shopping in bazaar by myself at 9 pm just to see if I can find a purple carpet made by “Ma’ Hajimi.” I mean, try to rationalize terrorism, and you’re already lost. So don’t even try to think about it in that way. On the other hand, you can still rationalize your own response to it – mine is the usual “identify the risks, and be aware of them…minimize them and avoid them, but don’t get all caught up in the terrorist fear, b/c by that time the benefit of ’safety’ is far outweighed by the cost of your own self-inflicted imprisonment”…

I mean, would you get all freaked out and never go outside because you heard there was a dead body in the lake by UCI? Of course not, you still go to Del Taco or eat Pho or whatever right next door. You figure it’s an unlikely event, and you stay away from anyway who looks like a cereal killer. Period. On that note, if you see my parents or get the chance to talk to them, please let them know that I’m OK. I’ve tried calling, but the damn internet server won’t connect my calls. Damn technology, thought you could rely on IP telephony eh? Bastards. Alright, peace out, till next time.

So the weather here is changing, just like it probably is in California as well. Since Kabul has a desert-type climate, the weather is really similar to So Cal…which is basically a city of concrete and palm trees being fed by water stolen from up north. Actually, Kabul is a lot like Pomona. Geographically it sits in a bowl with mountains around it, so all the heat and pollution gets built up. But since Kabul is higher, it’s starting to get cool really fast these days. In the one month I’ve been here, the days and nights have already fallen by 10-12 degrees F. And we get Santa Ana winds here too. It’s about that time of the year, when winds are starting to change because of the changing weather, so intense dust storms are on their way. Luckily So Cal doesn’t get TOO much dust, but Kabul does. [Faecal dust, anyone? Can never forget that crap...even if it's just urban myth]

Anyway, note to parents about cold weather: don’t worry, if it gets cold and I need clothing, I will tell Bac Quan to pick something up for me from home…he will be back in about 1 week.

Incidentally, almost all the consultants from various companies are going home this week or next – for some reason everyone seems to have their contracts arranged to end around this time…which makes sense, because Ramadan starts soon (in a couple weeks). The coming of Ramadan means that not much work will be getting done here. Why? That’s because almost everyone fasts during that time. Ramadan (or “Ramazan,” as it’s pronounced here) is an Islamic holiday where it’s just about illegal to eat food or drink water during daylight hours. So people get hella cranky and uncooperative after 12 pm or so….at least that’s what I’ve heard. So international workers largely flee the scene, to avoid wasting their time here during the month.

During Ramadan, Muslims are not allowed to eat or to drink water even. Given that, it’s really impolite to eat or drink in public even if you’re not Muslim. That might be a little difficult for me…almost all restaurants will be closing for the month except for a few that cater to foreigners. I get cranky too, when I can’t eat and the blood sugar starts dropping…[some of you may know about this]. At least at night-time it’s not as bad, since everyone starts binging like bolemic teenagers as soon as the sun goes down.

So with this change in season, everyone’s moving around, consultants are going home, Parliament’s gearing up, and I’m moving to a new job post. Dr. Neil, my supervisor at the central bank, is also heading home in a couple days. So I’m waiting on a decision now: if the Afghan Geodesy and Cartography people decide that they still want me, then I’ll go with them. If not, I’m gonna shoot for the Ministry of Commerce, with one of the US consultants working on trade economics. That should be interesting. But man, it’s really surprising how doors literally fly open for you if you know the right people here. Working for the Civil Service Commission has its perks, since it has the central role of reforming 39 different national ministries and agencies (and thus has access for me to work at most of them)…but it’s also a perk to get hooked up by the guy who is head of the reform, b/c he can even leverage his “PRR capital” as I would call it – he helps them with getting pay raises, and getting their agency straigtened out – and they wouldn’t mind having an intern with a decent education around to help them out…so it works out quite nicely. How should I put it…walk behind the right person, and the trail becomes much easier to negotiate.

If this place were Washington, however, you’d probably have to fight through lines of patronage and complex webs of bureacracy before you can’t even start making copies or running coffee for who-knows-what junior manager. I suppose that’s the difference – here, the work is not as prestigious, but you make a noticeable difference in the organization, and can make ripples here and there. Since it’s so hard to get people to come here, those that do come are usually able to do interesting things (depending on what your definition of interesting is). But the trade-off is that you’re still in Afghanistan here, and you gotta fight extremely incompetent bureaucrats and ignorance, along with bad bathrooms, terrible pollution, crazy dust, etc etc…you’ve heard it all by now.

Btw, there are some really annoying and aggressive flies here, at the IMF House (I’m waiting for lunch). God these fucking flies are buzzing up my ear and practically eating chunks off my cheeks each time they land. I need to spray myself with formaldehyde or something…or maybe lay down a poo-trap somewhere to lure them away. Speaking of which, the freakin dogs here have a poo problem themselves…but as soon as the staff started getting a clue that they don’t have to live in dog crap all the time and that it’s not that hard to clean up a few piles of dog crap, one of the dogs goes crazy and bites a couple IMF house guests.

Nice. So what’s the solution? Take him to the vet? Ya right, the Afghan solution is…. Drive the dog out to the DESERT and LEAVE it there. HAHA. Poor dog. Stupid dog too, but hey, that’s what you get for biting your guests. And these dogs are fed good too…real good. But anyway, the mission team leader from the IMF is coming back next week…I wonder how he’s going to react to his missing dogs…hehe. At least it’s not Viet Nam, where he’d be Lunch by now. haha!

So if you live in certain parts of the US, you’re probably quite aware of the racism that still exists (at least in my opinion) of whites against blacks, blacks against Hispanics, Asians against blacks, Vietnamese against Koreans, etc. So you’re probably also not suprised then, when I say that there’s some centuries-old racism in Afghanistan as well.

There are lots of groups in Afghanistan. You’ve got Pashtuns (the predominant ethnicity of the Southern area of the country adjacent to Pakistan), Tajiks, some Uzbeks, some Turkmen, Hazara, etc. In the beginning I couldn’t tell the difference between them all, except for Hazaras, who look distinctly East “Asian.” Just like most of you guys out there, I was under the impression that all Afghans got the same look – they’re all brown people in a dusty place. Well of course, after a while, you get an acquaintance of the cultural/ethnic subtleties of the place, and realize that there are still some strong ethnic divisions in Afghanistan. Although most younger people all speak Dari, the common language, a lot of traditional families will have family members that speak only Tajik/Pashtun/Turkmen to each other.

And the divisions are more obvious with politics. That’s right, ethnic divisions and politics – make great fun – and fresh fodder for armed conflict. Which is why a lot of people are blaming Pashtuns for terrorist violence here. But you can’t totally blame the Pashtuns for the violence, of course. But the Afghan govt, for example does its daily dose on Pashtun finger-pointing by saying that Pakistan has turned a blind eye on all the Pashtun terrorist training camps on its territory, and has subsequently allowed those terrorists to cross over the border and do some harm to the Afghan/coalition authorities. But from a Pashtun point of view, you can’t really blame Pashtuns for everything.

(a brief history)—-
Not too long ago, Afghanistan and Pakistan were in one country…this is before modern “nation-states” existed. Pashtun people ruled, just as they have ruled the area…for a long time, Afghanistan served as a stronghold against the Hindu Indian incursions, which is why the mountains in Afghanistan are called the Hindu Kush (i.e. “the Hindu Killers”). That’s when the Mongols were still in charge here. But things changed, the Safavid and Mughal empires vied for territory, and Afghanistan (as well as Pakistan) was caught up in the middle, on the periphery of empires, as it had always been throughout history. Come now the British colonizers, and the take-over of India by the British empire. The British throw things into upheaval, try to take over Afghanistan as well (but succeed only in taking modern Pakistan/India/Bangladesh/etc instead), and the British (and Afghan king) intelligently decide to just draw borders of Afghanistan apart from that territory all together – in what became the “Durand Line,” splitting “Pashtunistan” down the middle. So now you have Afghanistan as its own territory, but the Pashtun people have been split – many are in Pakistan, and many are in southern Afghanistan, and they are the predominant ethnicity there! There are also a sizeable number of other central Asian ethnicities in southern Afghanistan, but the representation is much more noticeable in the north of the country, where Afghanistan borders Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, etc. And of course, Iran is directly to the West. And after a couple wars and de-colonization you start getting clamors for a “nation-state.” Pakistan becomes its own territory apart from India. Afghanistan is also in the process of forming its own nation-state, and so territorial conflicts and claims over Pashtun tribes erupt in armed advances over the blurry Afghan/Pakistan border. So later the Russians come in, screw things up some more, and then get kicked out by the Mujahedeen/Taliban. More war ensues, the Mujahed and Taliban duke it out, and aha! Taliban and their friend Osama bin Laden take over the government! Americans later come in and kick butt., then try invite international organizations like the UN and USAID to come in …And that’s the [exteremely] simplified history of Afghanistan…
—(brief history ends)

So today, you still have your political patronage based on ethnic lines. For example, President Karzai is Pashtun, but he tries his best to dole out cabinet positions to non-Pashtuns: several of the original were Hazaras (maybe too many), many were Tajiks, some were Uzbeks, etc. Some might call this “affirmitive action,” to have proportional ethnic representation in the executive government…but for Karzai it was just a politically intelligent positioning. But what happens if only mostly Tajiks and Pashtuns are the capable and educated candidates in these positions? Keep in mind that almost all educated Afghans left the country in the 70s, 80s, 90s…(because of war). Well, then you have a problem. The President won’t just stand around and watch his cabinet collapse because of incompetency, so he goes ahead and kicks out the incompetent people who also happen to be ethnic minorities…and installs Pashtuns in those positions. Well then now you have a government that looks favorist toward Pashtuns. And then other ethnic groups start clamoring that the government is again trying to further the oppressive Pashtun agenda, which the Taliban tried to do during the 90s (with backing from Pakistan). Incidentally, long beards and traditional long dress/burkas were not mandatory…until the Taliban came around. People blame the government for being corrupt and a Pashtun-favoritist government. The Taliban says the government is full of infidels and wants to replace it with their Pashtun Islamist horde. The government blames Pashtun Pakistan for terrorist violence. Minorities blame Pashtuns for terrorist violence, and for oppressive government of the Taliban, of Pakistan, etc….

So as you can see, you’ve got another complex history of ethnic conflict in a place where you thought all the people were just “camel jockeys.” No joke, but that’s the way hella people out there see it. I haven’t seen one camel here yet. But I have seen lots of different people with different histories here. And to solve their differences in ideas about government, religion, social norms, etc. will not be easy. No easier than it will be for Americans to understand Islam, for example. But the history here is much more complicated than I’ve just described it above. There have been whole series of books and lives devoted to the study of Afghanistan’s history, So it’s obvious that making “progress” is going to take a while.

I woke up absolutely delighted this morning, starting off the week (in Afghanistan the week starts on Saturday) with a bright smile and a memory of great barbecue from last night. Yesterday I headed over to the US Embassy with Dr Quan and Dr Kham to visit Scott, our always-generous USDA friend. This is the guy who lets us into “Kabul Compound” to grub on steak and lobster Fridays…except this particular Friday he threw a nice little barbecue at the US Embassy compound.

After getting dropped off at the gate, we smoothly got searched and walked in without any trouble. Surprisingly, it was much nicer than any TSA-airport I’ve gone through. We got checked by US guards who were privately hired security from a group of Gurkhas (Nepalese soldiers). Nepal’s soldiers are famous for their ferocity and reliability – the British have hired these guys to do their fighting all over the world for centuries…the famous, curved Gurkha dagger, supposedly, once drawn, must shed blood before its put back into its sheath – even if this means that the warrior must shed blood from his own body in order to honor the blade. Hard core, huh? Anyway, these guys are swarming all over the place at the US Embassy, and they do a decent job of fitting in – they look just like Hazaras, yet they also speak perfect American English.

Anyway, got inside, and lo and behold…it’s just like being back home – a mini-American village plopped down right in downtown Kabul. I think almost everything that they built on the base was air-lifted in or transported from the states. Smooth concrete sidewalks, properly respected landscaping, clean patios, nicely kept-up mobile homes, it was almost like I was in leisure world or something. To top it off we had a great feast with more food than our stomachs could handle – endless rack of lamb, home-made mashed potatoes, real fresh salsa! (not that pasty stuff that tastes like chlorine because it’s been washed to death by anti-bacterials), garlic bread, French wine, etc. It was absolutely great. I ate heartily, although I did eat with caution (I’ve heard several bad stories about the stomach-aftermaths of BBQs here). Nevertheless, the meat was purchased by the sister of the Minister of Public Health, so it had to be good, right? At least I hope so…nothing’s happened to my stomach yet (which is one of the reasons why I was so happy waking up this morning) but we’ll see what happens.

So it was almost like an old school backyard barbecue somewhere in Southern California – outside on the patio, with the nice cool desert breeze, everybody standing around, eyeing the meat like a bunch of hungry tigers…of course, they had me man the BBQ and fan the flames with my coal-starting technique – perfected after years of practice. But it was great. Just like home, and what’s more – I met a couple of girls from Orange County – “the OC” – as well (don’t worry Victoria! they were older women = ] )! South-County Newport Beach / Mission Viejo ladies, to be exact..and what a surprise that was. I really didn’t expect to see well-fed, well-bred blonde-haired women from Newport Beach here. But it was pleasant to meet them anyway…nice people, and openly and genuinely interested in the humanitarian mission in Afghanistan, as well as South Asian culture (they were UN personnel, and one of them had substantial experience in Pakistan/India). Very surprising. And nice to see that not all of Newport Beach is caught up in the world of BMWs and Chanel.

Also got the chance to meet a bunch of other UN and US personnel. Even met an Australian guy who’s been here three (3) years at one of the UN agencies…he’s been in charge of —- for —— …as well as —- in Baghdad. Rough time…he’s been in the villages and all over the place for the past three years, he even said for a while he had the beard and everything…so Dr Kham started getting suspicious and now thinks that he’s some kind of CIA agent. And for good reason as well…at some point, you gotta ask, why would an Australian stay in Afghanistan for three years, including doing stints in Baghdad, excusions into the countryside to “set up voting administration”…just for the UN? He claims that he can also point-out exactly the people running for Parliament who were Taliban affiliated…interesting.

Anyway, the group was decent, had guests from all sorts of orgs including ISAF and the US Ambassador…We traded stories (I didn’t realize General Eikenberry was so well-known [for those of you who don't know, dropping his name helped me get out of detention at "Kabul Compound"), played "guess-who/20 question" games ...my pre-assigned person was the "Governator" - an easy guess since I'm from California. But in the end, we went home...extremely full, and myself being extremely happy, as if I had just finished a BBQ back at home, with real meat, real potatoes, a real Weber BBQ set, a genuinely comfortable environment, and some real Californians around me. How much better can it get, right? True, true...most people would describe the US Embassy compound as a really nicely fixed-up concentration camp (25-ft walls w/ razor wire all around, constant guard patrols, restricted movement, curfew time, cramped living quarters, etc.) but it wasn't all that bad....at least for a first-time visitor. Maybe I'll get the chance to go back there some time and take some pictures... just as long as they don't arrest me. = ]

So I finally got a chance to upload these photos. Every now and then I start laughing to myself about the good times back in California, causing a rucous whenever the opportunity presents itself. Here’s some photos of myself with John’s .45 at a range in Chino, right before I left to Afghanistan.

Quiet, I’m concentrating

These photos are dedicated to John, firstly. Some of you may know John, one of the prized members of the LBC family. As a special going-away gift to me, John kindly guided me to this special secluded range way out in Chino, and let me use his pistol….all in a few-hours notice. Thanks Mang@! Good memories…

Look, I’m grinning…hehe. All I need now, is to work on my beer gut, and then I’d REALLY fit in around Chino.

So anyway, there really was another motivation for wanting to go shooting this day…I really just wanted some practice with a gun, right before I head out to Afghanistan. Just in case I’d need to use a handgun while I’m out here. The need hasn’t arisen yet, but who knows, right? Guns are everywhere here, most of them are old worn out AK’s but once in a while you’ll see a truly well-crafted American or Russian made gun.

More action photos…smoke and all. Can you spot the shell?

A shout-out also goes to Jack, who, if he’s reading this, is probably crying to tears (tears of joy). One day, Jack, John, and I will get the opportunity to fire off a couple shots together….one day, Jacky boy.

Ground tactics…I surprisingly get good aim on the ground. And check out my butt. The size of the ass surprises me, every time I see it in third person. Oh well, can’t change genetics. I think I inherited this beautiful trait from my dad.

Obviously, I’m not very skilled with a gun. Which is why I should practice more. I have no intention of ever using one in real life, but one day if I’m being attacked and there just happens to be a piece in my lap, then well…OK.

“Look Ma! I think I hit one…” Nice action photo of me pounding the target.

Hmm. I wondering if any of my viewers now think that I’m some kind of war-monger and backyard hick and what not. Oh well. I’m really a peaceful person. I just like doing odd things that boys like to do, you know…

“Action photo on shooting on ground…smoke and all.

I really hope that one of these days I’ll get the chance to shoot an AK-47 over here. They’re all worn out, some of them rusty, but still – the AK is a legend – it practically characterizes the Cold War – in just two letters. If not for history why else? Wouldn’t YOU want the chance?