after_alex

4 AM – Wake up – Muslim prayer call outside, on really loud public speakers. There’s no way you can sleep through it. Whether or not you’re Muslim, if you live in downtown Kabul, you’re waking up at 4 AM to pray. Listen to Muslim hymn over prison-camp style (please excuse the cultural blunder) loud speakers. Go take a piss. Realize there’s no water to flush the toilet. Hold the bathroom urge until later – maybe there will be water at 6 AM.

Go back to sleep. Get annoyed by US military helicopters flying around. Wake up at 5 AM anyway, jetlag still buggin’. Don’t mind waking up early anyway, b/c of Dr. Quan’s (my boss) nazi-mentality with slackers and just-about-anyone who’s not on the ball. Use bathroom – realize there’s no water again. (water in the morning is god-send, let alone hot water). Hold bladder until get to work. Brush teeth with bottled mineral water.

Iron shirt. Pick out nice tie. Fool with new way tie the tie. Fail. Use old way to tie. Wait for rest of group to go downstairs. Wait for driver.

Driver (Asef) arrives, wisks us away to Prime Minister/Vice Presidents’ compound, Civil Service Commission. Prof. John Shumaker and Moqim from Kabul Inn arrive. Set up laptop and plug in 110/240V laptop-versatile cord into 6-plug universal-extension designed for foreign electronics. Plug ethernet cable. Pray internet is going faster than the usual 0.1 KB/s. Praise the Lord for 1 KB/s speed at 7:30 AM arrival time (no one else in the bldg is connected yet). Go to bathroom. Unleash 12-hr accumulated bodily fluids. Return to desk. Do quick [not really] e-mails then determine meetings for the day…discuss assignments from Dr. Quan (usually challenging how-to computer questions), then get ready to leave with Prof. Shumaker to Kabul University.

Hamid (2nd driver) arrives at Civil Service Commission (CSC). Wisks away myself with John Shumaker. Get stuck in traffic (it’s only 11 AM for pete’s sake). Realize that the Indian Prime Minister is in town – he’s actually right next door at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. Get stuck in more really dusty traffic – entertain self with Hamid’s aggressive driving. Joke with Shumaker about Hamid’s ability to “gently” nudge pedestrians’ with the van’s front end. Laugh about how easy-of-targets UN vehicles are (they are clearly marked “UN” in blue on the sides). Continue to laugh about Hamid almost getting us killed by trying to argue with traffic cops (they’re really Afghan army with trigger happy fingers on AK’s). Laugh some more about one Prime Minister can shut down a whole city. (as you can see, Prof. Shumaker is a really good natured guy). Take the detour to University, round the back way, through the slums of Kabul, and by the Russian embassy. Admire how shot-up the old abandoned Russian embassy is. Try to count how many bullet holes there are in the side of a building. Fail miserably. Pass a bunch of poor kids. Snap a crap-load of pictures (posted soon). Realize we’ve arrived at Kabul University.

Stroll thru campus to Chancellor’s building. Visit Shumaker’s office and talk with Adrees, his “handler.” Talk with Adrees about how the Taliban f(*&’d up the University and how graduating Econ students from KU are illiterate. Admire Adrees’s eloquence in English, as well as his command of Dari (the most common Afghan language, i.e. Afghan Farsi/Persian). Go visit Shumaker’s darlings (biz contacts) at the University. Admire the great work the British, Americans, and Iranians (yes, Iran) have done for rebuilding the library. Go look at book with bullet-hole from Taliban-era. Laugh at irony of learning [even during wartime].

Stroll around campus some more. Challenge John Shumaker to find bullet-holes in trees around his office (campus was main fighting area during coup). Realize most trees have survived 30 heavy years of war! Return to Shumaker’s office. work on Stage 1 proposal of PRR (Priority Reform & Restructuring), while waiting for Shumaker to meet with Chancellor. Chat with Adrees. Learn that you can install a new Windows XP copy with just a USB flash-memory stick!

Meet with John again. Go to lunch meeting with Deputy Minister of Higher Education at vocational school for impoverished women and widows. Eat a bomb-ass lunch, made by those poor ladies-students at the school. Hear a bunch of great success stories about how hopeless women (in this ultra-discriminatory country) secured jobs as cooks and cleaners in Kabul (after training at the school). Hear the Deputy Minister’s ideas of program expansion. Get coerced into volunteering to do a business plan / proposal for the school’s expansion. Trade business cards. Realize I don’t have a biz card yet – realize also that it takes centuries to get anything from the IT or production people at the CSC. Forget about the cards. Trade phone #s. Head to back to CSC. Get stuck in even worse traffic on the way back. Turns out that the Indian Prime Minister is dedicating a high-school down the road from Kabul University. Sweat in car and collect dust on skin. Realize that it’s hard to breathe, and that nose probably is clogged up with dust. Make mental note to blow nose later…do some SERIOUS nose blowing. Watch Hamid graze pedestrians on way back to CSC again. Arrive at CSC.

Finish up editing Stage 1 proposal for Kabul University PRR. Ask IT to connect printer to laptop (and get mandatory virus-scan). Get promised more lies “Later, later.” Realize they’re idiots. Browse network myself and add printer (ignore virus-worries, have Norton anyway). Print proposal. Hand to John.

Visit restroom again. Battle mid-day stench of horrifically poor sanitation and 4th-rate toilet paper. Wash hands and shake to air-dry immmediately with super-dry air of Kabul. Return to desk. Do computer fixes for Dr. Quan. Confer with Dr. Quan about next rotation assignment – could be Central Bank (Da Afghanistan Bank), or could be GIS-work at Afghan Geodesy, Cartography agency. Read up on news on 0.2 KB/s internet connection. Give-up it’s hopeless. Connection is locked down at 0.1 KB/s. Walk downstairs to sit-in on Dr. Quan yelling (at PRR-people from four different Ministries) in conference room. Learn a thing or two about public admin reform. Get bored with ignorant bickering about protecting unneeded & outdated Ministry jobs. Return to desk. Ponder what to write in blog.

Witness Dr. Quan storm back into office (of twelve people, at nine desks, in room size of one-car garage). Watch Dr. Quan blow his top again about how stupid the old dogs of Communist administration are…yawn, sweat from heat, realize shoes are dusty as shit. Wipe, to no avail. Decide to conserve rest of A-grade tissues for rest of stay in Afghanistan.

4 PM hits. Everyone in building leaves, except for us. Office stays until 5:30 PM, as always. Internet connection speeds up to 1 KB/s again! Victory! Enjoy triumph over primitive technology. End workday, get picked up by Asef, head to new guest house.

Witness Dr. Quan storm around again about how house is still not ready to live in – water leaking, no hot water, floor dirty, etc etc. Change to casual clothes. Go to UNICA (UN guest house). Mess around a bit in cold-ass-cold pool or weight-room. Pay $6 for awesome dinner by UN cooks. Talk business over dinner – Minstry this, Hundred Million dollars that, bomb/rocket this, election that, ignorant communist administrators this, etc etc. Get ride back to our guest house. Take cold shower (thank god, there’s water!). Change in darkness of room (huge window that faces street has no curtain). Plop down on bed. Write blog entry for last couple days. Save as text file (to upload next day at work). Go to sleep. It’s only 9:15 PM. Oh well….can’t sleep. Stay awake till 10 PM. Sleep. Roll over. It’s 2 AM again. Gotta pee…stumble into bathroom, realize there’s no water again…go back to sleep…4 AM…[cycle continues]…

So I was waiting with the professor that I’ve been working with to restructure Kabul University the other day waiting for our pick-up. He turned to me and asked, “Did you know that forty to sixty percent of the dust in Kabul is from human faeces? (pronounced FEE-sees).” I was in utter disbelief. OK, not really…because I’ve been through some pretty tough faeces experiences myself. Not to mention my childhood poop-stories, I once had to venture into the California desert with my college biology class to hunt for coyote poop and rat droppings (along with the prized occasional treasure of desert bird disc-poops). So I’m OK with being covered with Kabul poop-dust at the end of the day…I’ve had my fair share of biology lectures to know that the dry stuff is inactive and biologically harmless (for the most part). After all, most of the dust in the average person’s house is made up of decomposed skin. But what gives? So John went on to explain that the sewage in Kabul is almost non-existent (which you probably already know if you’ve been here, or if you’ve been following my sanitation-gripes). The poor sewage system, like every other government infrastructure here, is a product of 30 years of neglect during wartime. As a result, everyone opts for using septic systems (if anything). You probably know that septic systems need to be removed and replaced every few years. Well, rationally, where would they empty out the septic tanks? In the suburbs right outside Kabul, of course. And because of this ingenious idea, the septic material basically dries up (from the hot/dry weather), and blows right back into the city. Hence, Kabul is one f(*&’ing dusty place. Cheers.

Man, I miss basic working bathrooms and Western sanitation…

[excerpt from a letter to Victoria]

At the time of writing this, I should be really busy getting ready for the day – shower/brush teeth/i really need to use the bathroom. However, we just moved into this new house last night, and not surprisingly, the water doesn’t work. The dudes helping us move into the house promised that water and electricity would work, but once again, the basic utilities here have disappointed again. Apparently this is a usual occurence in this city – Asef, one of our drivers, says that he had to live 5-6 years (probably during the Taliban days) with barely any electricity (it would turn off at random times) and water (your lucky if you get water into your house). At the last house the water into the house was leaking, so I had to take showers from bucket water collected from the pump outside. Yes, there is no water pressure from the city utility. We had to pump water from the ground – and yes, that means that we relied on electricity for the water pump to work. And guess what – the electricity did not work during the day time – that means you shouldn’t be home during the day b/c you won’t get any water or electricity. So you gotta wait for the electricity to work, pump yourself some water, run to the kitchen and boil yourself a kettle, dump the hot kettle into your newly pumped bucket so you get lukewarm water (actually cold water – but warm enough that it doesn’t hurt) and lug your bucket to the bathroom (with the old-style shower area integrated right next to the toilet and sink). And then pour water over yourself while scrubbing yourself down. You try to use as little water as possible, b/c the bucket is small and amount of water is meager, so it’s hard to get a good home-scrubbin’. Anyway, it gets the job done, and you feel clean enough to get into your clean clothes for the rest of the day….(but end up wondering if you’re really clean…or is it just the smell of soap and shampoo?)

And I thought that the bathroom fixtures at my old house were janky – just because the water pressure wasn’t that high. Sheesh – at least it had steady water and electricity…oh well. When life is simple, you appreciate it that much more.

So it’s the end of my first day here in Kabul. Going to wake up early tomorrow morning for the ride to work at 7:30 AM. I’m going to shadow John Shumaker, a great guy who was the president of University of Tennessee. John’s heading up the reform of University of Kabul, re-forging all sorts of functions at the University as well as creating whole new departments. He’s only here for a few more days, so it’s going to be an interesting task helping him out. I know that there are several meetings with Ministry of Education officials and what not.

Already, just after one day, I’ve learned so much. Most of it is the kind of learning that I’ll end up doing most of my time here – getting a feel for the behind the scenes negotiations and strategic thinking that goes into this reform kind of work. I’ve also learned that there’s a whole lot of personalities out there in this field, from your Alpha male-type go-getters to your college professor-type experts to your quiet, get-the-job-done-type. I’ve realized that just being in this house with 4 other lead consultants in the ministries of Education, Agriculture, and the Central Bank, I’m exposed to a world of influence that I never could have got anywhere else. Even a place like Washington DC is too polished and conversation’s too routinized to get the meat out of it. It will take years just to figure out how to get things done, let alone figure out who really does what. Interesting stuff.

Anyway, tonight for dinner went to the “Kabul Compound” as it’s called, which is the main location where armed forces personnel and government people get a good meal on Friday nights. Steak and lobster. Yup, right here in downtown Kabul. Freakin’ awesome. Quite an entertaining evening, soaking in high-powered conversations around me, while ISAF and US troops dig into their seafood and BBQ, with M-16s and FAMAS’s at their side. Funny stuff. These guys I’m with get a good kick out of seeing female soldiers wield big guns too. Haha. Too good. Anyway, I’m just about eating better than I ever was at home. I already miss my Vietnamese food, but dang, outdoor BBQ and lobster – all you can eat…!?!? They even give out power bars and powder gatorade – useful for all sorts of military and non-military people. Aw man. Anyway, time to battle with another episode of jet-lagged sleep.